How Long Should You Wait Before Trying to Get Your Ex Back?

Timing plays a critical role when you're considering how to get your ex back. Rushing in too soon often leads to more pain, while waiting too long can cause emotional distance to harden into finality. So, how long should you really wait before making your move?

The truth is: there is no one-size-fits-all answer. But there are clear principles and phases that help you decide when it’s the right moment to reach out. This article breaks down those phases and provides you with a practical timeline based on your specific situation.

The Immediate Aftermath: Why No Contact Is Essential

In the first few days after the breakup, your emotions are at their peak. So are your ex’s. Whether it ended in tears or silence, both sides need emotional distance.

Jumping back in too fast usually backfires. It comes off as desperate, and your ex hasn’t had time to miss you. That’s where the No Contact Rule comes in.

Minimum no contact period:

21–30 days: If the breakup was mutual or mild.
30–45 days: If you begged, pleaded, or acted desperate post-breakup.
60+ days: If your ex blocked you, asked for space, or said, “Leave me alone.”

During no contact, focus on emotional recovery and self-development.

Need help during this period? Read:
Self-Improvement After a Breakup: 10 Real Changes That Attract Your Ex Back

What Happens During No Contact?

People often assume no contact is about punishing the ex or playing games. It’s not.

No contact serves three vital purposes:

It gives both people emotional breathing room.
It allows emotional dependency to fade.
It creates the space for your ex to feel your absence.

If you do no contact correctly, you’ll likely notice signs that your ex is thinking about you again.

Learn to recognize those signs in:
8 Signs Your Ex Is Opening Up to You Again

When Should You Break No Contact?

You should only reach out when:

You’ve fully calmed down emotionally.
You’ve made measurable personal progress.
You’re no longer afraid of losing them.
You know what caused the breakup and what you would do differently.
You’re reaching out to reconnect—not to plead or push.

Before texting your ex, plan what you’ll say. A random “Hey” isn’t enough.

Use this guide for tested messages:
What to Text Your Ex After No Contact

Signs You’re Ready to Reconnect

Ask yourself the following:

Have I stopped obsessing over their social media?
Have I genuinely worked on my weaknesses?
Can I accept not getting back together?
Am I reaching out from strength, not fear?

If you answer yes to most of these, you’re in a much better place to reconnect authentically.

Signs Your Ex May Be Receptive

You’re not the only one evolving. Timing also depends on your ex’s behavior. Some green flags that suggest the timing may be right include:

They’re watching your stories or liking your posts again.
They’ve asked mutual friends about you.
They’ve responded positively to your earlier messages.
They’ve reached out casually.

If you see multiple signs, they may be ready for a small emotional re-connection.

Wondering how to deepen that connection?
How to Emotionally Reconnect With Your Ex Without Pushing Too Hard

Case-by-Case Timelines

Here’s a more specific breakdown depending on how the breakup happened:

1. You broke up with them

Wait at least 21–30 days.
Rebuild their trust gradually.
Don’t assume they’ll take you back because you changed your mind.

2. They broke up with you

Wait at least 30–45 days, possibly longer.
Show change, not just remorse.
Let them reach out if possible.

3. It was a messy breakup (yelling, cheating, etc.)

Wait 60–90 days minimum.
Rebuild from scratch.
You’ll need to take special steps to earn back credibility.

Read:
How to Rebuild Trust With Your Ex: Steps That Actually Work

What If You Wait Too Long?

People often worry that waiting too long means your ex will move on forever. That’s not usually the case—unless you vanish completely or don’t improve yourself.

Waiting without showing growth means nothing. Your ex needs to see change—through your actions, lifestyle, and confidence.

If you’ve waited months but haven’t done real self-work, you’re not more prepared—you’re just later.

How to Make the First Move (When the Time Feels Right)

Once you feel ready and the signs are there, don’t overthink it. Send a low-pressure, emotionally safe message like:

“Hey, I came across something that reminded me of that weekend trip. Just wanted to say I hope you’re doing well.”

From there, gauge their tone. Keep it light and neutral. If they respond warmly, you can build momentum.

Next steps after the first message:
When and How to Meet Your Ex Again After the Breakup

Conclusion: Don’t Just Count Days—Earn Them

You can’t rely on a calendar alone. Whether it’s 30 or 60 days, the more important question is: Who have you become during that time?

If you’ve grown stronger, calmer, and more self-aware, you’ll show up differently. That’s the version of you that has a real shot at reconnecting.

If you want to follow the full system that covers all the necessary steps—from no contact to rebuilding intimacy—read the main article:

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